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To Be or Not To Be in A Relationship, That is the Question

There are many reasons to have a committed, long-term relationship and still lots of us shy away from them because they take energy and invite us to look closely at ourselves. They require attention and care and like gardens, when we tend to them, they reward us richly. At times you may find yourself with a preference for being single. I certainly have. Being single is wonderful and in some ways, it’s simpler; there’s less navigating of preferences and there’s no one there to constantly mirror your own stuff back at you. However, if you find yourself in the company of a person with whom it feels right and are willing to do what it takes, you will likely be happy you decided to venture down the relational path.

Here is an excerpt from the introduction of my new book, “Being Together,” which may illuminate the benefits of being in a relationship:

“Long-term relationships are epic challenges. They ask us to be real and to reveal our magnificence as well as our shadows to another person, all of which render us vulnerable. They invite us to be present and discerning. Ultimately, they can serve to evolve us into the best, most loving version of ourselves.

Over time, a committed relationship can become a spiritual practice, the kind that helps in learning self-love and awakening to your true nature. If you are committed to the cause, a long-term relationship can be a container within which you can evolve into the person you were meant to be.

I propose you find someone with whom you have enough in common, good chemistry, and overlapping values; choose someone who is willing to grow, someone with whom you can evolve. In a healthy relationship, both partners are committed to growing as individuals and as a couple. Psychologists like Gay Hendricks and his wife, Kathlyn Hendricks, talk about a “relationship as a path to enlightenment and enlivenment.”

When you are ready to embark on the evolutionary journey of a committed relationship, you may find yourself growing in ways you had not imagined. You will have the opportunity to be loving allies as you experience the vicissitudes of life, have each other’s backs no matter what, stay calm when your partner is challenged, intentionally look for the best in each other, hold each other close in times of need and beam with pride when your partner has a moment of glory.

And, although there may be times when you want to run away or wonder if you’ve chosen the right partner, you can rest assured that there will also be incredibly sweet moments when you find yourselves cozied up on the couch contentedly basking in the warm feeling of knowing you are loved.

Thank you for reading. This is the first in a series of blog posts I will be sharing over the next couple of months which will include excerpts and stories from my new book, Being Together: Practical Wisdom for Loving Yourself and Your Partner. Being Together launched on August 3, 2020 on

If you would like to purchase a copy, you can click the following link: Being Together.


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