A Need to Rest
For me, resting in the spaciousness of one's own company is a gift. In a life that is full of things to do, great people to hang out with, movies to see, books to read, and more, taking time to rest is necessary.
In our topsy-turvy world which seems to be more chaotic than ever, I need to rest. I crave the solitude of hiking up the hill outside my house and taking time to be in my own rhythm. I need to sync up with Mother earth's rhythm. Co-regulation with our Mother is deeply healing.
It’s challenging at times because although I want to engage with friends, experience culture and do my creative work, I find space to rest is what is most needed on some days.
Saturday was one of those days. I made the choice to stay home rather than go on a road trip so I could watch my daughter and her high school dance team perform at the halftime show of the homecoming football game – attending a football game was a first for me and it turned out to be fun (I could feel my father’s presence as I cheered recalling him yelling at the television during many a sports game).
I decided to architect my day around seeing my girl dance for all of 2 minutes and 17 seconds because it’s happening now and I know she likes it when I come to watch her dance. However, when I ask her if she wants me to attend, she says, "it's not that deep, mom." She is laissez faire, and I know it matters. She feels my support and it feeds her in a particular way while I get to see her tightly wound teen self dance like a banshee and support our community.
I had woken up early to make sure that she was up in time to get ready and show up to the rehearsal before the game. The thing about Meera is that she's super intense and extremely independent. I guess someone raised her to be that way…Turns out, I needed to trust her more because she had set her alarm and she knew what she was doing.
And, it gave me an opportunity to see if she wanted me to come into bed and snuggle. She shifted over and welcomed me into her pink and black satin sheeted bed.
I wrap my body around hers and we fall back asleep, sort of, for another hour or so. She wakes up grumpy, not really wanting to spend her whole day at the football game. I listen and nod to her tales of woe.
Lately, with all that has transpired in her life, and in the world, Israel and the Ukraine, and the very strange political reality in the United States, I make more time to offer her my undivided attention.
When she comes home from school or the gym, I plunk myself down on her black bean bag chair and chill. I ask open-ended questions. I have no particular agenda except to share space with her. Sharing space and time allows us to co-regulate with people we love and it allows for little gems to unfold themselves. I don’t give her advice unless she asks for it (my opinions are not always welcome) and when we’re relaxed things flow.
Oftentimes when I'm sitting there, she is busy doing things. We casually talk about this and that and sometimes I hear about social challenges and dramas she experiences with her peers as they figure out how to walk in the world with integrity. Turns out, integrity is not a given.
Eventually, I start making motions to leave the room and she says, "where are you going, mom?" And I realize that she wants me there. She wants me there while she unpacks her bag, folds her laundry or works on an essay.
Her need is subtle and real as is mine.
We are together, resting in ourselves and in each other’s company. It’s as delicious as it is temporary and making time to rest into the moment and savor it is all there is.